Saturday, June 6, 2015

Against my better judgement

Despite still occasionally coughing up a storm, I went out with some fellow WCBF peoples from the three years ago.

It was fun. Granted I don't talk much in these situations for the combined reasons of the presence of more talkative people, the lack of anyone that I know well, and that groups bigger than 5 intimidate me. I don't know if I seem aloof or uninterested, but in general, I take on a persona that I don't even care for.

I should work on that.

I don't dislike going out, but I don't know how to act. Or how I want to act. I'm afraid of having to engage in conversations that I'm not equipped to handle. Past scars? Fear of exposing weak points I'm not aware of? General suspicion and lack of trust? Grass is always greener complex? You'd think at 33 years old I'd be over that. Maybe I'll never get over it.

But first, to get back to my bed to sleep off this cough. Still have next weekend off and am strongly thinking of keeping it that way.

1 comment:

  1. I feel exactly the same in large group situations where I don't have any close friends present. I'm willing to do it occasionally but it's not fun and I figure life's too short to feel like that - far better to spend time with good friends :)

    Hope you feel better soon, Mels. Big hugs, C x